I used to pride myself on being a non-judgmental person, but experience has taught me otherwise. Interestingly enough, the phrase “Don’t judge a book by its cover” explains my opinion by being exactly the opposite of what I think.
The entire purpose of a cover is to explain what the book is about. Therefore, the entire purpose of a person’s actions and external personality is to explain what they are all about.
We, as people, spend way too much time trying to explain away things we see others doing that we don’t like. We hope that underneath all of the bravado, superficiality and rudeness is a heart of gold, but the truth is that true kindness is not something to be ashamed of, and truly kind people realize this.
A man who is only around when he wants something and believes that you will give it to him is not a good person. It doesn’t matter if your friends try and comfort you by claiming that he is so into you that he doesn’t understand how to deal with his emotions… he is not a good person.
A man who uses his friends and acquaintances for material things and barely gives anything back in return is a superficial person. It doesn’t matter if he claims that they do things for him because of how great of a friend he is… he is using them.
A man who only wants to be around for the good times, but never for the bad times is not a good friend. If anything, someone who is unwilling to stick around for the tough times hardly deserves to be graced with your good times.
We need to learn to pay attention to the little things. It doesn’t matter how strongly we want to believe that someone is a good person. If you take the time to pay attention, you will realize that they are showing you every part of themselves,whether they try to hide things or not.
The way they treat their family, the way they talk about their friends, the way they speak to strangers, the way they carry themselves in public, the things they do while under the influence, the way they react when asked for a favor, and above all, the way they speak to you after it’s clear you have nothing tangible to offer them.
At my age, the “tangible thing” is usually sex. Sometimes it’s a ride in your car, a swipe of your meal plan, a couch on an overnight trip, or perhaps status.
More times than not, relationships (both as lovers or as friends) end because the other person found someone else to offer the same things they were getting from you. It wasn’t that you didn’t do a good job, or you were a bad friend, or that you couldn’t do enough…
It was because their character was lacking. That’s why it is imperative that we take the time to get to know anyone we attempt to bring into our inner circle. Don’t be hasty with decision-making, especially when it comes to relationships.
It all goes back to that old adage, “actions speak louder than words.”
I think its in everyone’s moral judgement to be GOOD: at least for the most part. Sure you have personal expectations, but who doesn’t have expectations, its pretty much what drives our species and even evolution. Sure people fall short of character and are punished by it in the long run or even the next day. But just to enlighten your judge of character; friendships and/or relationships do not really follow an algorithm, which is what you are suggesting. Its not just driven by character, it has a lot to do with persona as well as a parallel boundary and terms and conditions to which the party has agreed on. Yes, I get the idea that you are trying to portray by saying relationship of any kind are for the most part a give and take. When you give give give and never receive your expectations depreciate extraneously. Now, I’m not saying that you should buckle under, just simply stating that life can have other perspectives and when you lower your expectations or actually rid of them, you’ll be surprised of the higher quality and more intimate relationships flourishing amongst your peers and significant others. Always Smile 🙂
I actually do agree with what your’re saying, but unfortunately due to what seems to be a severe lacking of inherently good people, it is dangerous to get rid of expectations, or even lower them. I would hope that it is within everyone’s moral character to be good, but it seems to be that some people’s inability to separate their animalistic impulses from right and wrong prevent them from realizing that. And yes, there is no algorithm for relationships of any knd, specifically because the people involved are variable, but since YOU are the common factor in every one of them, some things can be predetermined: hence my belief of setting expectations. Granted, I am still quite young, so this is still trial and error 🙂