Chocolate Diaz

It struck me while I was watching The Other Woman how truly beautiful Cameron Diaz is.  I remember watching her in The Mask and thinking that if I had to be a white girl, I’d want to be her.  

Granted, she’s, what, half Mexican or something?  I don’t know, she’s a blonde-haired, blue-eyed babe.  I did notice, however, that there are more than a few scenes in The Other Woman that show her at a less than flattering angle.  It’s probably an age thing, but I was reminded of that random time in 2009 that I ran into her on Newbury Street in Boston, and literally had no idea who she was.

I was working at Hotel Chocolat, literally the third employee hired in their Boston location, and I was bored.  Yes, retail has its charm, but after awhile repeating the exact same spiel over and over again gets old.

For those of you that haven’t been to Hotel Chocolat, it’s this nifty little British store where you walk in and take a chocolate tour which consists of a 6-8 minute speech by an oh-so-knowledgeable staff member, and then a sampling of complimentary chocolate; dark, milk or white.  Yummm.

So, at this point in the day, it’s my turn to take the next shift of people who come in for their daily dose of choco-cation.  I get a skinny blonde lady, a balding, glasses-wearing fellow, and a collection of 2-3 other nondescript people.  As I’m expounding on the fascinating details regarding the difference between cocoa mass and cocoa butter, I’m staring at the blonde woman and trying to figure out why she looked so dang familiar.

It wasn’t until I was surreptitiously watching her snack on her free piece of chocolate that I realized what it was.  She was literally a blonde version of my Auntie Lisa wearing bright red lipstick.  (Auntie Lisa prefers her make-up more understated, and keeps her hair in a classy brunette bob)

I chuckled in the middle of describing the different kinds of fruity undertones in the special dark chocolates, and blurted out my discovery.

“You totally look just like my Auntie Lisa!”

Her balding sidekick gave me the most horrified expression, to which I felt the need to expand on my proclamation by explaining how attractive my Auntie Lisa was, and why my statement was a huge compliment.  The blonde woman squinched her nose at me in a way that made me feel like I was a toddler trying to show my abstract finger painting to a person who was not my mother, and then gave me the briefest of smiles.

The smile hit me hard.  Oh.  Everyone knows that smile.

“Oh, shit.”  I said, before I could stop myself. “You’re… you’re…”  I couldn’t even finish my sentence.  She winked at me and her smile reached full wattage.


Yup, that’s the one. Her balding sidekick snorted derisively.  I’m gonna take a safe assumption and say he was her publicist?  That would explain his abject horror at my not placing her immediately.

I quickly finished up the remainder of my speech, which included a brief denouncement of both Nestle and Hershey chocolate, all the while averting my eyes from the blinding whiteness of those pearly whites.  Which, by the way, kept getting brighter the more uncomfortable I got.

She and her grouchy publicist finally left, after I plied them with the rest of the free chocolate on my tray (much to the displeasure of the other nondescript people in my tour group).

But, I mean, it was Cameron Diaz.  If anyone deserves a plate of free chocolate, it’s her.


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