When I Want to Text You

It happens more frequently than I’d like to admit.

In all honesty, it feels like something happens every day that I want to tell you about, and knowing that I can’t tell you, only makes me want to tell you even more.

I’m sad our friendship had to end.  I’m sad that you no longer care about what is going on in my life.  And I’m sad that I still care about what is going on in your life.

I’m sure that if I texted you, you would respond politely… because you’re a nice person.  But you wouldn’t really be interested in anything I have to say.

Sometimes it’s easier to be mad, to pretend you’re not worthy of my thoughts and opinions, and that’s why I shouldn’t text you.  But that’s not true.

You used to give me great advice, comfort me when I was sad, rejoice with me when I was happy, and you were there for me when I needed you.  I can never stay mad at you, even in my head.

When I want to text you, I have to remind myself that it’s not really you on the other end of the phone anymore.  You’ve been permanently replaced by distant, detached version of yourself that has no room for me in its life.

If I do text you, it will never be the way I see it in my head, you will never respond the way I want, and it won’t help us put the broken pieces back together.

When I want to text you, I just remind myself that it is pointless

… But that doesn’t make it any easier.

I guess all I’m saying is that I miss my friend.

1 Comment

  1. It’s hard to let friendships go, especially when they were so meaningful at one point. You’re right in reminding yourself that it’s pointless. If you keep holding on to the thought of what he/she once was then you’ll never be able to truly move on.

    – K.

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