My biggest fear in life is that when it’s over, it will have meant nothing.
But what exactly is nothing?
Is it something to be unconditionally loved by everyone that surrounds you? Is that enough?
Is is something that the people who walk by you everyday on their commute to work feel as though their lives got a little brighter because you smiled at them?
Is it enough to be nameless, unknown, and most likely irrelevant to everyone outside of your own circle as long as within your circle, you are the center?
I feel like my perspective on this is skewed. The question of what my life means is identical to the question of credibility.
Who will be there to affirm what I have done in my life? To stand by the things I have said, the choices I have made, and the people I have touched?
Should I even care about those that have no effect on me?
There is a girl, dubbed the Ugliest Girl in the World, who now uses her life’s energy to teach the world about acceptance and loving yourself for who you are. When she dies, she will be remembered by thousands, maybe even millions.
But I am not special like that. In fact, I am hard pressed to find any person who has done public service things along those lines, who isn’t special.
There’s the girl whose brother was killed in the war, the boy whose sister is dying from Cystic Fibrosis, the woman who survived breast cancer, the teen who made it out of the ghetto, the genius who invented a computer system to help starving children in Africa get an education…
I’m pretty sure they all used to be like me, but terrible circumstances in their lives caused them to rise above the sadness in an attempt to protect others from their pain. That has never happened to me, and I hope it never will.
So… I guess, to answer my own question…
I would rather be nobody to most but everything to some if it means I get to keep pain and suffering out of my life, and the lives of my loved ones.
… and that will be enough for me.