Um… They’re Not Signs.

If you ever find yourself needing to read “the signs” to determine whether he is into you… I promise you, he is not

Please see He’s Just Not That Into You for a comical, dramatic explanation of this concept. My version is, of course, a little more aggressive.

Whenever my friends and I get together over dinner or drinks, the conversation inevitably centers around boy drama. We take turns explaining every interaction that transpired over the past week, taking great care to use proper tone when describing exactly what he said, producing screenshots of texts with him, taken in preparation for the evening’s festivities, and ensuring the specific words he used are accurately conveyed.

Yes. It is as ridiculous as it sounds.

Regardless, the stage is set, and we pour over the screenshots and the conversations as we attempt to decipher whether he likes us, like-likes us, or is just using us. Once there is consensus among friends, we confidently move forward in solidarity, convinced whatever we have decided is the truth.

Dubious. Very dubious. You see, while I do not, in any shape or form, claim to be an expert on men, I am pretty settled in my theory that men are simple. To me, this means that they do not spend inordinate amounts of time planning their actions, activities, and conversations.

When a man wants to talk to a woman, he talks to her.

When a man wants to hang out with a woman, he hangs out with her.

When a man wants to date a woman, he asks her out on a date.

This also means that when a man does not want to talk to a woman, he will not talk to her. And when he does not want to hang out with a woman, he will not hang out with her. And when he does not want to date you, he will not ask you out on a date.


We, as females, like to over-analyze our interactions with men. This is probably because each one of us has had, or has a friend who has had, one man who was either too shy, or unavailable at the time, or whatever, to ask us out, etc., even though he really wanted to. In general, that is the exceptionnot the rule.

Men make time for what is important to them. If you’re sitting around with your friends, trying to read “the signs” because you’re feeling insecure about what you mean to him based on his lack of communication, or the fact that you haven’t hung out in the past couple of weeks, or whatever it may be, then yeah… it’s not a thing.

You are not important to him.

Maybe there are some things you provide to him that are important to him, like help with his homework, job application assistance, last minute companionship when all of his other friends are busy, a sympathetic ear when he has no one else to vent his frustrations to, etc. In those circumstances, of course he is reaching out to you. Those things are important to him.

Not you… those things.

Those are the interactions through which “the signs” are built. And then we spend hours, days, weeks even, trying to decipher what he was feeling when he texted you asking to hang out, but as soon as you met up, just wanted to discuss class-related things, and then when you asked to actually hang out later, he told you he would hit you up, but then never did.

So, um… yeah. He’s not feeling anything. Promise.


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