In recent times, it has become substantially harder for me to watch certain types of movies, because as soon as they are over, I am overcome with a sense of loss as I am forced to return to my normal life.
For those of you who have had the pleasure of reading any of the writing I did before college, which would be Pre-Twitter and Pre-Facebook, you will notice a clear discrepancy between my nonfiction and my fiction writing. That is because the life that I lead in my head is incredible, fantastical, and exciting, yet the one that I lead in the real world is as typical and mundane as they come.
Obviously, this is the case with most people in the world, but I refuse to let that stand.
Recently, I have become aware of a shift in my reasoning skills while in the real world that I directly correlate with my obsession with my fantasy world, in what I can only assume as my mind’s attempt to force my life into ‘excitement mode’.
I have become strangely fascinated by different dangerous and occasionally violent movies.
The psychosis of these rapists, serial killers, and doctors obsessed with human mutilation hold a sort of twisted fascination with me. Not because I am even remotely interested in that sort of thing, but I wonder all of the time what my life would be like if I were to exist in conditions like that.
What would I be like in a fight? A real fight with a life or death struggle?
What would I do if I was kidnapped and/or raped? Would I fight to survive or submit to my fate?
When I was a little girl and I had monster dreams, I would always opt to become one of the monsters or to be killed by them instead of enduring the constant fear and struggle of the heroine. Does that mean that in real life I would be a coward too?
Fantasy Becca whips out her freshly sharpened sais with a resounding “HELL NO!“.
Real World Becca ponders the question as she walks back to her room alone in the dark, wondering if there are rapists hiding in the bushes.
But then again, you have to wonder… if my life was really like the movies, would that make me happy? The honest answer is…. nope.
So what would make my life better than the movies? hm…
True Blood sex, What’s Your Number living situation, How I Met Your Mother friends, and Savages boss bitch status (Salma Hayek)
That is all.