Crush ADD: When you’re not sure who you really like.
It happens to everyone at least once in their life. You see someone, you like them, you go after them. In the midst of the chase, you spot someone else, you like them, you go after them. Oops… they know each other.
What do you do?
I think contemporary morality indicates that we are supposed to back briefly off of both, weigh our options, and regulate our chase to a single individual. Problem is, chances are that in the short period you knew both of them, you didn’t actually gather enough information to accurately make that decision.
That’s the whole purpose of dating… to learn about the people you are interested in so that you can determine if you have a potential future together. There is no exclusivity within the realm of dating. You leave no stone unturned, no path untouched, and no potential untapped. So where’s the disconnect?
Simply put… it’s sex.
Dating is not supposed to encompass sex. Intimacy, sure, but not sex. The lines of dating morality become blurred when you share yourself with multiple people. It’s easy to become jealous or lose confidence in yourself and your relationships, not to mention the little STD issue.
Dating can be a morally ambiguous conundrum in contemporary society, especially when the majority of the involved parties don’t really understand its core concepts. Dating is simply defined as the act of spending quality time with another person based on a mutual attraction and a willingness to learn more about each other. Moral and ethical standards indicate that doing this with more than one person is perfectly acceptable; the only issues arising when a certain level of sexual intimacy is achieved. Nowadays, that level of sexual intimacy is achieved before some people even know each others’ last names, indicating that the fault in relationship standards lies not with the act of dating, but with the sexual promiscuity of the involved parties.
Crush ADD is not a bad thing, it is how we deal with it that makes it a problem. We shouldn’t be putting all of our eggs into one basket until we’re ready for a long term commitment, and it is important to recognize that adding sex to any relationship is the equivalent of doing just that. Every sexual encounter carries the risk of pregnancy or disease (unless one of the parties is infertile), so when you add that to the act of dating, the standard definition of dating is rendered moot.
Let’s give the aforementioned scenario two different perspectives:
1.) You see someone, you like them, you start dating them, and you sleep with them. In the midst of the chase, you meet someone else, you like them, and you sleep with them. Oops… they know each other.
You probably don’t know which one of them you prefer yet, and on the offhand chance they both actually really liked you, you’ve now given yourself to two friends, effectively barring yourself from ever achieving a successful relationship with either one of them. You can try to keep it a secret, but they’re friends… it’s eventually going to come to the light.
2.) You see someone, you like them, you start dating them. In the midst of the chase, you meet someone else, you like them, and you start dating them. Oops… they know each other.
True, there might be some awkwardness as you navigate the two potential relationships, but you haven’t actually done anything wrong. You might be asked to choose between them depending on how close of friends they are, but at least you haven’t intimately compromised the situation with sex.
For somebody with Crush ADD, tell me, which situation would you prefer to be in?