Dating Etiquette

I don’t care what anybody says- they did it way better back in the day.

People are always asking me why I don’t date and then gasping when I say “because I don’t like to date.”  Let me rephrase that:

I hate dating 21st century guys.

You boys have no idea what’s going on or what’s appropriate, you get huffy when a girl takes the time to try and educate you, and your unique blend of awkward/stupid/rude makes me dread the idea of being in a one-on-one situation with you.

Here is a not-so-brief list of pointers for you to internalize, categorized by the steps of a date:

*Getting the girl to say ‘yes’ to the date*

  • Be sincere

Nobody wants to say ‘yes’ to a strutting, peacocking, self-absorbed boy whose first reaction to disinterest is to lash out rudely.  Be honest with the girl.  However, if that honesty means you admitting that you’re only asking her out with the hope of getting into her pants, you should probably go back to your video games because that’s all the action you deserve.

  • Say what you mean

I have enough friends already, so don’t ask me to ‘hang out’ or ‘meet up’.  Be a man and actually ask me out.  I am not any man’s half-time, down-time, spare-time, or sometimes… so don’t waste my time.

  • Don’t make sexual jokes

I just met you and am therefore still trying to decide if I want to risk assault to be alone with you.  At that point in our “relationship”, sexual jokes are for rapists and That’s what she said jokes are for thirteen year-olds, neither of which I am inclined to date.  Sorry, not sorry.

*Getting the girl to actually go on the date*

  • Pick an appropriate time and place

No, that does mean tonight.  After I agree to go out with you, don’t look at me with a crafty expression and mention something about pizza and beer at your place down the street.  Show me that I’m worth it by taking the time to actually plan out a date.

  • Don’t text creepy sh*t

Just because you convinced me to go out with you doesn’t mean I can’t change my mind.  In fact, if it took a lot of convincing for me to say ‘yes’, trust me when I say that I am probably looking for a reason to cancel.  A simple did I forget to mention how bangin’ yo body is text is definitely reason enough for me.

  • Check in the day of

We’re all busy people, and I’m inclined to assume you may have forgotten about our date if I don’t hear from you the day of, and will therefore not show up.  Nobody likes to feel stupid waiting alone at a restaurant.

*Getting the girl to enjoy the date*

  • Don’t over-compliment

Yes, tell me I look pretty when you first see me and then maybe once during the date in the most sincere manner possible, but anymore than that and you start to sound lecherous.  I know I look good, dude.  Once we establish that you know it too, we can drop it.  Contrary to popular belief, I am also well aware of all of my assets, so you don’t need to bring them to my attention.

  • Be a gentleman

Stand up when I arrive, pull out my chair, ask me how my day was, make me feel comfortable, don’t use your cellphone, pay the bill… all that jazz.  Remember, as this is our first date, I am judging you.  I am watching how you interact with the waiter, how you interact with others, and, most importantly, how you interact with me.

  • Give her control

Just because I showed up, doesn’t mean I trust you.  Make me feel as though I am in complete control over the situation.  If I want to go back to your place, it’s up to me and you will not pressure me.  If I want to take home my leftovers, it’s up to me and you will not judge me.  It’s harder than it sounds, I know.

It’s amazing how these simple things completely baffle the average 21st century male… we will cover post-date etiquette in another post; another simple topic that appears to elude most men.

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4 Comments

  1. I agree with a bunch of this, but disagree (sort of) with two things. The first is I don’t think you should assume a guy forgot about his date with you or isn’t going to show up just because he didn’t check in the day of. For me, if we made plans then I expect you to show up for them even if we don’t say another word to each other until we’re meeting in person. If I believe we have plans and you stand me up because I didn’t send a reminder text to you the day of then I think *you’re* the jerk and not me. If you’re into me you won’t need a “reminder” to go out with me, you’ll be there. Same for me. Getting a reminder text from you the day of might make me feel like an appointment and not a date. Maybe err on the side of “looking forward to seeing you tonight” or something, but I certainly don’t think that’s a necessity. I’d much rather operate under the assumption that people are trustworthy and will follow through with their plans. If they aren’t and don’t show up, fine, I learned something about them. But no way do I want to assume that that’s how EVERYONE is going to be.

    The second is pulling out chairs. I open car doors for girls, hold doors open, hold umbrellas, give jackets, etc etc. The whole chair thing has always been awkward though. There’s no real great way to push a chair in for someone without it being a little weird. I think everyone should abandon the chair thing….but that’s just my two cents!

    There are certainly changes to the way people date, young and old, these days….but there will always be douchebags and girls that continue to date them despite saying they want to date a different kind of guy. Make sure you’re not stuck dating the same type of crappy guy over and over before classifying everyone as bad at dating 😛 Have faith!

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    1. Both very valid points. I’m inclined to agree with you on the chair-pulling out… fair enough, I would remove it.

      However, I’m not sure about the text thing. Let’s say you make a date on Monday for Thursday… I don’t think showing up to the date should be a test at all. Since in these scenarios it is you (the guy) who made the date, aren’t you reaffirming you excitement for the date by checking in? It reminds the girl that you are actually very into her and are conscientious about it. I think this is important, especially in today’s society where guys make many many dates in the hope to get laid, and aren’t actually looking for a relationship.

      This post was my way of helping nice guys get passed the bullsh*t that not nice guys create for them by dealing with us girl inappropriately.

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      1. I feel like the “need” for a reminder is only created by past bad experiences, or maybe even some insecurity. And maybe that’s 100% true, but you can’t expect anyone else to know that about you. Perhaps I’m too idealistic but I totally subscribe to the “say what you mean and mean what you say” approach – something you talk about – and so I feel like anything beyond making the date itself is kind of unnecessary. That’s not to say that checking in isn’t something NICE to do, but I don’t think it should be a requirement. Maybe asking you out was a big deal and asking for another check-in is too much for someone shy. Imagine a guy getting the courage to ask out a girl he likes and she actually says yes! That’s awesome! So he gets ready and is all excited but doesn’t want to seem too eager or scare her away or give her an opportunity to cancel the date. He shows up and she’s not there. Think he’ll ask out another girl he likes any time soon? Is this his “fault” or hers?

        So I guess my thing is the position that if a guy DOESN’T make another contact then it’s ok for a girl to essentially write him off. I think that’s too harsh. Would I personally touch base again? Yes. But if I didn’t I’d still expect you to show up.

        Dating is totally a two way, two person thing. To even go on a single date you have to be willing to trust a little bit. You’re going somewhere with a stranger for the first time and that’s tough for both parties on some level. So arrive with an open mind and a willingness to meet them half way, no? The girl isn’t the only one taking a chance here 😉

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