So, it’s been roughly two months since I blogged about my OKCupid progress, mostly because I stopped logging on after the last blog post after getting overwhelmed by the sheer number of uncouth gents trying to chat me up.
My angry run-in with a boob from my past enticed me back to the site and I invited my grandmother to “help me pick out my next boyfriend.” Naturally, she was thrilled to assist in my love life, especially since we were snowed in and couldn’t really do anything else, so we got our glasses of wine and settled in front of the computer with less than high expectations.
I was blown away by the amount of activity my profile received in the two months I was idle, especially since I still hadn’t written anything on my profile except that I was interested in straight men, ages 22-28 in the Boston area. After explaining to my grandmother that I would not, under any circumstance, respond to anyone who only said “hey” or opened with “‘sup sexy mama”, we waded through the potentials.
I was less than enthused, and after about an hour of continuous eye rolling, I decided to take the time to fully update the categories in my profile, hoping to scare away the creepers in the future. The most important section to know is below:
I filled out my entire profile, and was immediately inundated with more messages. However, much to my pleasure, these posts increased in cleverness. For instance, this one guy told me he didn’t know any good jokes, but what about a bad pick up line… Why not?!
I think he’s hilarious… however, he was like twenty years old, so no, but thanks for playing. Plus, my grandmother wasn’t a fan. As a side note, after today, I have come to the conclusion that my grammy and I could have been great friends had she been sixty years younger because we do not have anywhere near the same taste in men. She’d be a great wing woman.
Regardless, after instant messaging with roughly 8-10 guys and messaging back and forth with another twenty or so, my grandmother and I whittled down my potential future boyfriends to a semi-classy group of 7:
S: 27 year old, 3rd year law student… Not gonna lie; he was my grandmother’s top choice, so I’m agreeing to give him a chance, but he’s not my type. First of all, all of his pictures are different angles of facial close-ups of him. No, thank you. I mean, yes, he’s clever with his wording and all, but come on… how many pictures of your cheekbones do I need to see?
F: 24 year old, Tufts graduate, football player currently living in Southie… we had mutual friends in common so I gave him my number, we’re texting, and we will be hanging out in the coming weeks.
U: 28 year old, Executive manager of his own firm… entirely self-absorbed based on his profile (there’s a picture of only his abs?), but also incredibly attractive. I was both intrigued and annoyed by his aggressiveness when describing the eight paragraphs of things he’s good at, and the fact that he kept insisting I needed to get to know him to see what an awesome guy he really is. I gave him my number… my grandmother got annoyed… obviously.
B: 24 year old, ex-Military, buff, gun-toting type with a gigantic tattoo on his back… not really my cup of tea but he initiated our messages with a page long joke involving cowboys, indians, naked girls, and a horse that can’t differentiate between “pussy” and “posse”… how could I not? Plus, when I said I didn’t have New Years Eve plans yet, he suggested meeting up outdoors at 11:55 pm and having a snowball fight to bring the new year in. Yes, please.
H: 25 year old, avid Hockey player living in Brighton… although not technically my type physically, when he was instant messaging after all of the hubbub died down we got a pretty good conversation going and I realized after about 20 minutes that I thoroughly enjoyed talking to him… you know what they say about all the best relationships, right??
A: 21 year old, Art student… probably just going to be a friend because I really don’t have time for young boys, but he was genuinely interested in my films and actually had some decent insight on them after watching them… maybe a future business partner?
M: 25 year old, Biz school grad student… physically not really my type but incredibly funny and apparently we have literally 100% of the same things in common… we’re going to play laser tag next weekend. #BOOM
Wish me luck, peeps… Spring 2013 is bound to be fun-filled 😉