Dude… Why Are You Texting Me?

I’m sitting in my room, my phone vibrates, I look down, and it’s from you.  But, like, I don’t get it.  What are you doing?  We used to hook up.  Then we stopped hooking up.  Then we stopped hanging out.  Then we stopped talking.

So what are you doing?  It’s been more than a few months, dude… Please, let me into your mind: what exactly is going on in that brain of yours?  Is this a game to you? Are you just trying to see if I’ll still respond?  Are you just so bored you have nothing else to do?   Oh, maybe your XBOX broke.

More realistically, you’re probably out somewhere and the song I used to sing in the shower came on, or you randomly remembered something I once told you, or someone you’re with just finished doing something we used to do together.  Regardless of what it is, you got this crazy idea in your head that if you hit me up out of the blue, I would be ecstatic to hear from you, no matter where I am or what I am doing.  But, hey, sorry… not so much.

Here I am, living my life, and your text interrupts me.  You’re probably imagining me grinning in pleasure, my fingers trembling as I try to decide how to respond, and then breathlessly informing my sexy, porn star-esque girlfriends that “the one that got away” has finally hit me up, and I couldn’t be more thrilled.  It’s a cute idea, in theory, but come on.  Cut it out.

In actuality, my eyebrow is raised, my upper lip is probably curled, and I haven’t answered back yet because I’m still trying to fathom why you are still texting me.  No… seriously, dude.  Why?

We tried hanging out, it didn’t work.  We tried being friends, it didn’t work.  You don’t really care what I’m up to, you don’t really want to see me… So, what are you doing?  It would be absurdly funny if it wasn’t so annoying.

Frankly, I’m curious what it is that you get out of this.  Perhaps you’re bored with your current “other” and are looking for a temporarily entertaining diversion…  Could it be the erroneous concept that I’m one of those females that you have at your disposal? Maybe you’re feeling insecure with your current lot in life and are just trying to ensure that I will still write you back.  Are you possibly, yet again, toying with the idea of rekindling our semi-romantic past?

If it’s any of the above, please, grow up, stop texting me, and move on.

Feel free to live your own life… because I certainly am living mine.

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