My Relationship Resume

Rebecca E. Davis

betterthanthemovies.blog@gmail.com • @bexxbomb15 • Boston, MA

MISSION

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Currently seeking employment.  Interested parties with availability are encouraged to contact immediately, and interested parties with currently no availabilities are encouraged to file resume for potential consideration in the future.

EDUCATION & TRAINING

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Northeastern University; Bachelor of Arts in Communication & Media Studies, minor in Cinema Studies, May 2013

CORE COMPETENCIES

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Rational • Attractive • Emotionally Expressive • Sane • Logical • Sweet • Well-Adjusted • Promising Career • Appropriately Well-read • Fairly Badass • Likes to Joke • Athletic • Healthy Social Life • Honest • Enjoys Quiet Time • Intelligent• Self-Sufficient • Smiles Alot • Is Getting Better at Not Always Speaking her Mind

PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE

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Independent Contractor;                              July 2012- Present

• Accepted 1-month Dating Status with Connecticut firm, terminated due to discrepancies in the benefits package.

• Assumed Romantic Pen Pal Position with an out-of-state firm, deemed to be not the right fit based on commute.

Idyllic Male w/ Commitment Issues;      Feb. 2012- July 2012

Part-time with Full-time Commitment

• Engaged in many new activities which could be used beneficially at almost any type of company.

• Learned the importance of attending to all issues within a company, even outside of my particular department.

• Terminated due to the company’s interest in several other vendors and inability to make a concrete decision.

Independent Contractor;                              July 2010- Feb. 2012

• Accepted 2-month Dating Status with Boston firm, deemed to be not the right fit based on workplace differences.

• Accepted 6-month Sexual Interest position with an unrelated Boston company, terminated due to discrepancies in understanding of job requirements.

• Accepted 4-month Sexual Interest position with a Connecticut company, terminated due an unprecedented change in the company’s mission statement.

• Accepted three 1-2 month Sexual Interest positions with companies based out of the Tri-State Area, all terminated as they were deemed to be not the right fit after working with them in a more social context.

Bad Boy with Good Boy Edge;                    May 2010- July 2010

Part-time

• Refined communication strategies on a higher-level.

• Learned more about human interaction on a social level between males and females.

• Terminated on friendly grounds due to inability to commute after relocation.

Religious Male w/ Silver Tongue;             Nov. 2008- May 2010

Full-time

• Made sincere attempts at integrating with partner’s group of friends and family.

• Learned basics and necessities of sustaining a full-time position.

• Terminated due to clear miscommunication regarding job status, benefits, and appropriate workplace conduct.

Please do not hesitate to inquire about experience prior to November 2008

SKILLS & INTERESTS

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• More than proficient in rational discussion, meaningful sex and clear exchange of ideas.

• Going to the movies, playing team sports, bowling, laughing, cooking (and eating), telling bad jokes, singing in the shower, using Wikipedia, and making short films.

• Sincere desire for personal growth/ significant self-awareness and sensitivity to emotional states, stagnation and Red Flags.

REFERENCES

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Available upon request.

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4 Comments

  1. This is hilarious!

    “Is Getting Better at Not Always Speaking her Mind”- thsi sounds like me. Are you Sagittarius too? A common trait! Don’t change!

    My favourite bit though I think is “Terminated due to the company’s interest in several other vendors and inability to make a concrete decision.” Very inventive. 🙂

    Like

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