What’s My Type?

Apparently… Tall, Dark, and Douche bag.

This is my first post officially over him. It was surprising how suddenly it happened… I stepped out of my apartment one Saturday morning and realized that the lead weight that I had been carrying in my chest for the past two months had vanished.

It was like seeing the world for the first time… Everything smelled better, looked better, I walked with a carefree bounce in my step and I was shocked to find that when I searched my heart for his name, the dull ache I had previously felt had dissipated.

I knew, of course, that it would probably return the next time I bumped into him or if I saw him afar with another girl, but this was the first time I felt truly okay by myself, and it was thrilling.

Immediately, I began looking towards my future. As everyone knows, you can never find out where you’re going until you understand where you have been. I, for whatever reason, have a soft spot for jerks.  Not horrible guys who get a kick out of treating women disrespectfully, but the ones who don’t, and probably won’t ever, care about me the way that I deserve.

I resolve that my next man will treat me right. Not just because I’m worth it, but, more specifically, because he knows that I am worth it.

Therefore Step 1 of my future happiness is redefining my type.

As a 22 year old female, my type has traditionally been rooted in superficiality.  Clearly, this has steered me wrong and it’s time to rectify that.

Here are a few specifics to start me off:

He must not have a temper.  This means that he is laid back and has an even perspective on the world.  He understands calmness and takes the time to understand situations before emotionally reacting to them.  He is not, however, unemotional and detached.  You need passion for love, but passion is not the same thing as anger.

He likes to talk to me.  This means that he isn’t afraid of his emotions and feelings and trusts me enough to share them with me.  He is actually interested in my opinions and listens to them so that he can contribute in a respectful way.  He won’t make me feel like I am intruding on him when I want to talk, but he won’t be afraid to tell me when he needs space.

He understands respect.  This means that he will understand the boundaries of our relationship and will be considerate of them.  He will never do things to make me jealous or uncomfortable.  He will never attempt to publicly make fun of me, and he will always treat the people that I love with the respect that they deserve.

He is secure.  This means that he will never act out or do things he may regret because his is worried about where he stands with me.  This does not mean that he is conceited, but that he trusts me and what we have.  I will never have to worry about him doing something rash because he incorrectly assumed I was being unfaithful. He will always confront me about his fears and will allow me to do the same with him.

He loves movies.  This may seem foolish but, as evidenced by my blog’s title, movies are my life.  I can reference a movie for literally every event, circumstance, or subject brought up in my life (or anyone elses for that matter) and it is important to me that my man understand what I am talking about.  He also needs to have true enjoyment when it comes to exploring new types of films.  (Hello… I’m trying to go to film school)

… Oh, and he must be a sexy, manly-man, who can also dance 🙂

 

Regardless… I think this is a great start, but by no means the end.

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8 Comments

  1. This is great. So sorry you’ve had a hard time with Mr Wrong and so pleased you can see you deserve better. I’ve been there. Believe me and I fully understand that feeling as if your eyes have fully been opened, your perspective changes, your thoughts change and you finally wake up and know I deserve better! In your post you say that you will find a man who will treat you right but remember it’s not because HE knows you’re worth it but more importantly YOU know you’re worth it! 🙂

    Whats great about these seemingly negative experiences is that it makes you so much more discerning about who we let into our lives and highlights our needs, wants and desires that perhaps we would never have been aware of if we hadn’t experienced that which we don’t need or want. It certainly is the case for me!

    Check out my blog for my new book Mr Wrong. There are excerpts, views and opinions from both women and men and other women’s stories. I would love to her your views and your stories.

    Here’s to attracting better! 🙂

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    1. I agree! With every negative experience, I get a little wiser. My character is defined by the perspective I choose to take. Even though I could’ve done without the heartache, the experience has definitely taught me a lot about myself!

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      1. Agony, just pure agony is what most relationships are when venturing out to find the better half, the cherry to the frosting, the salt to the pretzel, the lead to the pencil, the backbone to a weak standing man. But we constantly ask why is it so hard? or why has this relationship not worked out the way I intended it to? the mere answer is simply, you aren’t looking for them in the correct places. You post all these depictions of your “ideal” gentleman and set standards he has to meet (Excellent by the way, a man that can’t clean and enjoy doing it for his lady is a mess) “must not have a temper,” “he’s secure…yada yada…” I think what we are missing is simply “WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?” I think in most relationships people are forgetting its not a one way streak, its a two lane that requires a huge adjustment. If you let a man run all over you, guess what, he’s going to run all over you. If you give him a reason to be insecure, he’s going to be insecure. Most of all you both should know the BOUNDARIES. Thats why the relationship in the first few months is so amazing. Its cuz you both have boundaries and get this feeling of admiration and joy/You spend all night talking and are all LOVEIE DOVEIEIE. But it disintegrates, once one of you crosses that line. Guys want to get it and get out. You want him to know you are worth it and that he is worth it just as much. If he doesn’t know that then, of course he’s going to get out. Remember a guy who loves you, wants you to meet his mother, wants to share intimacy. But he won’t give you that if you don’t want him too.

        The point is, tell HIM (the next guy in this case) what you like and what you don’t like in a manner that you both can open up to each other. Don’t let him think things are okay. When they aren’t okay. You want a guy to stick around, then set the tone of the relationship together. This includes EVERYTHING that involves the both of you, which in this society pretty much means everything.

        Of course these are just tips for when you begin.

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  2. I whole-heartedly agree with you… I do wonder if there is a way to go back and fix that lack of communication, though? Say you messed up with the initial “loey0dovey” stage and didn’t specifically express your wants and needs… is there a way to rectify it even after one, or both, of you has crossed the boundaries? Or at the point is it too late?

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  3. From a male’s perspective, it all depends on how much the relationship worked out. i.e. was the break “up” good enough to be in touch with one another and have coffee as just friends? are mutual friends invested into the relationship? Do you two run into each other without making things awkward? Is the relationship one with respect for one another? Do you still care about each other, like getting my favorite, “accidental texts” just to check up on each other? Remember most relationships with the opposite sex is a huge change, you’ve both invested time into it and have been used to having the other around. If it comes crashing down in your world, same thing is happening in his, (just differently). If you care for one another, then all of this should be apparent to you when it happened. But you don’t want to be to late for him to say on to the next project. More or less, let him know that you are interested in him still and that the break up was obviously a mistake because you both blew it out of proportion. NOW AVOID SAYING ITS YOUR FAULT!!!! that will have him running. Let him say that its his fault, if indeed it is, you are as ambiguous about that as possible, you want his attention on the matter not the back doors he’s been creating since the crack of the conversation. And if he loves you, he’ll admit to it on his own for being the fool that he was… If its your fault, admit to it and say that you want another chance. Obviously in a way thats romantic and not just screaming it in the street-corner of 45th and Broadway.

    NOW MAKING IT WORK:
    -Be honest with yourself-ask yourself is this really what you want? Are you ready to be committed to the same person? Remember you know his flaws, his faults, his perspective on life and what he wants from it.
    -Also set a fresh perspective, in a way that allows you to set the boundaries again.
    -A second try in a relationship has it advantages and its disadvantages. You have to be willing to accept both. He might surprisingly want to get some on his first night as well as his second and be done with you just for revenge purposes. (idk what you want to do with that but I’m assuming you already know that)
    -Lastly, understand your partner. Its important to get a feel for his life, to see the world the way he does. He should do the same as well!! Thats important, this way you are both in the same boat (call that the relationship) trying to paddle shore, instead of one of you on a speed boat and the other on a life vest trying sitting out in the ocean wondering what happened.
    -Overall, yes, give it a wing. Messing up is part of life, fixing the mess up is part of humanity.

    -Hope I was of some help

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    1. You definitely got me thinking… inspiration for my last blog post actually. This is not an easy decision to make, and is something that needs to be well thought out. Giving up vs. Trying harder… depending on what could end up being the best in the long run for both parties involved. Thank you for the advice/information, it is greatly appreciated.

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