I was watching The Sweetest Thing a couple of nights ago and despite thinking that the movie was completely foolish, I had a brief epiphany on finding love.
We, as females, are obsessed with finding Mr. Right… we envision him as our own personal version of a fairytale prince when we’re young, because, with the exception of those of us who had great father figures, that’s all we know.
As we get older and begin to date, we filter through all of our potential suitors (if you will) based on what we are looking for in our “Mr. Right”. In regards to that, I have a question: How exactly did we decide what we wanted in Mr. Right?
We get our hearts broken time and time again because we throw ourselves emotionally into these relationships hoping that he’ll be the one without actually identifying what key characteristics “the one” must have. We usually erroneously use our feelings to identify the click we assume we’re supposed to feel with Mr. Right, instead of a clear understanding of our likes and dislikes.
The main issue with this is that feelings can change. There was a time in my life where I thought I might have found my Mr. Right (a younger version that still had yet to grow into his full potential, but I could see where it was going). Less than a year later, those feelings had dissipated completely, replaced by a sole desire to smack him into a wall every time he spoke. Mr. Right? Yeah, right.
I couldn’t even tell you exactly what changed… but the negative emotions garnered from that encounter could easily have been avoided if I hadn’t considered him as Mr. Right.
This is why I agree with Cameron Diaz’s character in The Sweetest Thing and I give this advice: Stop looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now.
Mr. Right Now will be fun, unemotional, and fulfill whatever current needs you have, while also giving you the chance to get to know yourself better. He won’t steal your heart because you know it’s only temporary, but you can use him to discover what you do and don’t like in your future Mr. Right.
You can have as many Mr. Right Nows as you need (within reason), using each one as a building block from the others. In time, you will work your way through your Mr. Right Nows, building up your filters as you go, and eventually, the “Now” part will drop off on its own, and you will be left with your Mr. Right.
In my opinion, this path saves a lot of heartbreak. You can’t force emotion. and you can’t love someone who doesn’t think you are the greatest thing in the world.
Mr. Right Now is not meant for love, he is meant to lead to happiness. Pick them based on what you want at that moment, enjoy it while it lasts, and then move along when it’s over… no bubbles, no troubles!
All good things come to those who wait… so wait…