Finding Mr. Right

I was watching The Sweetest Thing a couple of nights ago and despite thinking that the movie was completely foolish, I had a brief epiphany on finding love.

We, as females, are obsessed with finding Mr. Right… we envision him as our own personal version of a fairytale prince when we’re young, because, with the exception of those of us who had great father figures, that’s all we know.

As we get older and begin to date, we filter through all of our potential suitors (if you will) based on what we are looking for in our “Mr. Right”.  In regards to that, I have a question: How exactly did we decide what we wanted in Mr. Right?

We get our hearts broken time and time again because we throw ourselves emotionally into these relationships hoping that he’ll be the one without actually identifying what key characteristics “the one” must have.   We usually erroneously use our feelings to identify the click we assume we’re supposed to feel with Mr. Right, instead of a clear understanding of our likes and dislikes.

The main issue with this is that feelings can change.  There was a time in my life where I thought I might have found my Mr. Right (a younger version that still had yet to grow into his full potential, but I could see where it was going).  Less than a year later, those feelings had dissipated completely, replaced by a sole desire to smack him into a wall every time he spoke.  Mr. Right?  Yeah, right.

I couldn’t even tell you exactly what changed… but the negative emotions garnered from that encounter could easily have been avoided if I hadn’t considered him as Mr. Right.  

This is why I agree with Cameron Diaz’s character in The Sweetest Thing and I give this advice: Stop looking for Mr. Right.  Look for Mr. Right Now.

Mr. Right Now will be fun, unemotional, and fulfill whatever current needs you have, while also giving you the chance to get to know yourself better.  He won’t steal your heart because you know it’s only temporary, but you can use him to discover what you do and don’t like in your future Mr. Right.

You can have as many Mr. Right Nows as you need (within reason), using each one as a building block from the others.  In time, you will work your way through your Mr. Right Nows, building up your filters as you go, and eventually, the “Now” part will drop off on its own, and you will be left with your Mr. Right.

In my opinion, this path saves a lot of heartbreak.  You can’t force emotion. and you can’t love someone who doesn’t think you are the greatest thing in the world.

Mr. Right Now is not meant for love, he is meant to lead to happiness.  Pick them based on what you want at that moment, enjoy it while it lasts, and then move along when it’s over… no bubbles, no troubles!

All good things come to those who wait… so wait…

…He’s coming.

3 Comments

  1. Wisdom obviously beyond your years. Nice piece. For many, one of the takeaways can be that life is to be enjoyed no matter your age. You and the person you eventually meet that is Mr. Right will make everything that happened prior to, the necessary path of experience and enlightenment that led you to each other.

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  2. Wisdom obviously beyond your years. Nice piece. For many, one of the takeaways can be that life is to be enjoyed no matter your age. You and the person you eventually meet that is Mr. Right will make everything that happened prior to, the necessary path of experience and enlightenment that led you to each other.

    Like

  3. This is really insightful and provides some real food for thought. I guess when I talk of Mr Right I talk of someone who is respectful, honest and reliable-my basic needs that will never change. On the other side I understand that evertthing in life is temporary and I have learnt and grown from all my relationships with Mr Right Now. The problem is differenting when Mr Right Now becomes Mr Wrong and recognising when its time to walk away. Your post has really got me thinking.

    Check out my blog for my new book Mr Wrong, “a humorous and insightful exploration into why some women continually attract Mr Wrong and how to break the cycle and set out on a positive path to “Mr Right.” Here you will find excerpts, views and opinions from both women and men and other women’s stories. I would live to hear your views and stories. 🙂

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