The 21 Day Rule

Despite the fact that I strongly believe that people should only have one sexual partner at a time, the reality of the time period we live in is that people would rather indulge their brief, animalistic, and carnal impulses when they want and how they want, than even attempt monogamy.

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, and I kind of like that idea.  That is why I have a 21 day rule as my minimum for engaging the opposite sex.  This means, to put it plainly, that if I were to sleep with someone on August 1st and things just didn’t work out from there, I would have to wait until August 22nd to engage in sexual congress with someone new.

The logic of this, aside from pure cleanliness, is based in the need to maintain self-respect.  I have already stated that sex is not just a physical act for the majority of females… it is also emotional and mental.  You need to give your body and mind time to adjust before jumping into it with someone else.

It is impossible to feel self-love if you spend all of your time searching for someone else’s love… especially if you do it by throwing yourself into many different pairs of arms.

From my understanding, girls get around this by either pretending that the relationship is more than it is or pretending that it has no effect on them and they can “do it like a dude“. (Jessie J status)

I maintain that you can always tell when someone is seeing multiple people at once.  It doesn’t matter if they are technically allowed to or not, all of the signs are still there.  We like to explain them away because we want so desperately for it to not be true, but the reality is still starting us right in the face.  Lloyd said it best in one of my favorite songs:

                   “I know another bee’s been in that honey”

Pure brilliance, if you ask me.  I was seeing this guy once, in a pseudo exclusive manner, (which means we hadn’t yet had the talk but I was being foolish and hoping we were) and I noticed some strange things that occurred after one of our “breaks”.  I wasn’t mad, as it was my own fault for not clarifying “exclusivity”, but sometimes we, as females, just don’t feel like having to confront the guy and ask if he’d been with someone else.  I’ll use this example to give you my top 3 ways you can tell if another bee has been in your honey, without actually having to have a discussion.

First of all, if the amount of time that he talks to you or hangs out with you decreases, it’s usually not because his schedule filled up enormously.  It means that there are now other people (specifically females) that he would like to divide his time between.  Since guys and girls cannot actually remain platonic friends, chances are these other females have something he likes and he’s trying to see if there’s a chance he can get it… or he already got it and wants it again.  Either one doesn’t really bode well for you.

Second of all, the number one rule about boys is that they always want to do whatever they want to do.  Strictly speaking, this means that if they want to see you, then they will.  If they aren’t hitting you up this means that you haven’t crossed their mind.  If this is a boy that you are sleeping with, this should  be a huge red flag, because boys spend all of their energy thinking about sports, sex, or money.  If you are supposedly the one providing one of his top three things and you don’t cross his mind… best believe he’s also getting it from somewhere else.

and Third of all, if he starts saying weird things in bed that he never used to say… he obviously learned it somewhere.  If it wasn’t from you, I highly doubt it was from his boys.  Therefore, it was most likely from another girl who told him that was what she liked, he heard himself say it, thought he sounded like a boss, and made it part of his sexual repertoireif you will.

For me, if a guy wants to tell me that we didn’t have the “exclusive” talk and he therefore cannot be held accountable for his actions, my response would be “what part of ‘I don’t share‘ didn’t you get?”  I also know that my desire to see the best in people usually enables them to take advantage of me and lie about certain things… so I would rather dead the relationship on my own than allow them to argue me into confusion.

As a side note… I love reading the things that I write because, to me, I sound brilliant.  However, I just want it to be clear that I am still learning how to take my own advice.  Thinking and discussing this stuff on the side is completely different than being able to handle myself properly when the time comes in the real world, and I don’t want to seem like a hypocrite for those of you who know me.  It’s okay though, I’ll get there eventually.


  1. While I don’t necessarily agree with the “21 day rule,” you provided some great insight on a few indicators that a man isn’t, how should we say, exclusively yours. The biggest flag is point number one. People (whether male or female) make time for things that matter to them. If you’ve suddenly dropped down on his priority list and you hear from him/see him less and less, it’s likely that his focus is elsewhere.

    – K.


  2. True, and for me the most important thing is realizing that when that happens, you shouldn’t take that to mean that you are no longer worthy… in fact, especially at my age, guys are generally programmed to be easily distracted and it just means that he wasn’t ready for what you had to offer.



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