Recently I have come to understand that women today fall under two very broad categories, and for varying reasons. The two categories are, to put it simply, those who ‘pine’ and those who do not.
For those of you who don’t know what it means, ‘to pine’ is defined as the act of “longing for or grieving over someone or something”.
Suffice it to say that I first noticed these two categories when I became frustrated by my mother’s inability to relate to any of my boy problems over the years. This was not her fault at all.
She, a classic non-piner, could not fathom my inability to simply “dead” the boys that I, a classic piner, was obsessed with.
I can’t even count the number of arguments we had in high school over this one boy that I had a crush on for almost two years straight. For me, it was like one step forward, and two steps backward the entire time. We were really good friends and I pretty much thought that he walked on water, but he apparently had no sexual interest in me, despite our flirtatious interactions, late night phone calls, and study sessions. I was bewildered… and so was my mother.
In her own words, “You make no sense, Becca. I’m watching all of these boys watch you, watch him. Get out your little scissors and cut the cord already.”
To which I would reply, “It’s not that simple, mom!” and angrily slam the door in her face.
To me, this was not simply about rejection… this was about pride.
I am a born competitor. Strictly speaking, that means that if I actually put forth effort, I expect tangible results. If I don’t make any effort, then success is negotiable and I get over it easily if I fail. But then again, can you actually fail at something if you were never even trying?
So, let’s paraphrase my earlier statement. I am not only a born competitor, I am an expectant winner. Losing both confuses and frustrates me.
Directing this back to my earlier point, I fall under the category of “piners” because on the outside that is basically what I am doing, but on the inside, I am just refusing defeat. It sounds ridiculous written down, but surprisingly, it hasn’t failed me yet.
The point here is that girls fall under those two blanket categories for different reasons. While mine is my need to win, for some girls it could be emotional instability, or the belief that the relationship was more than it really was, or the poor way in which the boy broke off the relationship.
The #1 cause of elongated break-ups is the boys’ awkward way of handling it.
Granted, it is rarely good enough to give the real answer (which is usually “I’m tired of your vagina”), and boys know that, so they try to make something else up, and we know when they’re lying.
Unfortunately, we usually erroneously assume that they are lying to cover up their deep, rooted love for us that scares them so much they feel like they have to break-up with us to protect themselves from heartbreak… instead of the real reason which is that you’re lying to cover up your own shallow personality.
I mean, I see where you’re coming from. It must be tough struggling to combine your need to plug any open hole with your subconscious desire to have someone truly care about you. I get it, I really do.
Just remember this: Karma is a bitch, so do you now, but don’t blame anyone but yourself if you show up to your 20th high school reunion single and with an STD.
Regardless… I won’t apologize for being a “piner” (except to my mother because we probably would have understood each other a bit better if I was more like her), despite the fact that it does make things inordinately more difficult. But, you do have to put some serious work into anything you want to succeed at anyways.
*Side note* Mr. High School played me back then, but I definitely got him junior year of college. #swag