Ring the Alarm

A friend and I were discussing an event where she randomly bumped into a guy she used to hook up with, roughly a year ago, who now has a girlfriend.  Naturally, the encounter was an awkward one, as they hadn’t spoken in at least 6 months at that point, but the interesting part about it was her reaction after the “devil and his paramour” (if you will) had left.
It’s one everyone feels when they see an ex:

                                                  Jealousy.

It doesn’t matter if you were over them, if they did you wrong, if you’re stoked to be away from them… you will still feel jealous.  I think Beyonce said it best:

“I don’t want you but I want it and I can’t let it go… and to know that you give it to her like you gave it to me…”

The only way to get around that problem is to have your own “new cow“, who is clearly better than theirs, in everyone’s eyes.  Because of this, break-ups instigate an unspoken race between parties… the race of legitimate replacement.  This race inevitably becomes the reason the term “rebound” was invented.

The general rule is that females are usually the ones to find a replacement first, mostly because 99% of boys are panting after it anyways.  99% of the time that replacement, with several exceptions, is a rebound.  The exceptions are as follows:

1.) Alpha male/female laws indicate that you were already close friends with your replacement and so knew enough about one another to prevent a one-night stand from ensuing; OR

2.) Desperation to win the race left you settling for something iffy at best; OR

3.) You are a cheating whore and your replacement was actually someone you had already been talking to.

Since 99% of boys spend the aftermath of a break-up celebrating their newfound singledom, we don’t refer to the parade of girls that come after us as “rebounds”.  In any case, it is always more hurtful to see the boy with a new girlfriend than the girl with a new boyfriend, because it is easy to assume that the new boyfriend is a rebound, rather than the real thing.

Boys are nowhere near as interested in relationships as girls are, ergot, when they do pick their next one, it is highly doubtful she is a rebound.  This is the reason why 9/10 boys win the race of legitimate replacement.  The catch here, is that despite losing the race of replacement, the girl is still better off, because despite how she feels after seeing the devil and his paramour, that isn’t how she’s really feeling.

The old joke that girls feel the break-up right after it happens, and the boys feel it months later is funny, but completely true.  As my friend and I like to joke whenever one of our relationships end:

“He will RUE the day!!”

I will say this as a final, side note:  If you were in an exclusive relationship with this boy and he never wanted to be your boyfriend, seeing him with another girl is one of the hardest things in the world.  It makes you constantly wonder why you weren’t good enough for him.  That’s why you need to surround yourself with people who constantly verify all of the things you already know are true:  that you are amazing, beautiful, wonderful, and fun to be around.

Anyone who says differently doesn’t deserve to be in your life.

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2 Comments

  1. **As a side note, one of my friends had an interesting concept to add to this post, so I wanted to share it:

    “I think the way a female can “win the race of legitimate replacement” is not to try to replace HIM with a better guy, but rather to replace herself with a process of renewal/regeneration/self improvement, not because she is not good enough or damaged but because we all should work to better ourselves every day, and if she does that she proclaims that he was not the be all end all and that she can continue on a better person. Plus, chances are, if he sees this he will inevitably regret losing something he didn’t realize was so damn good ;-)”

    Love it!

    Like

  2. **As a side note, one of my friends had an interesting concept to add to this post, so I wanted to share it:

    “I think the way a female can “win the race of legitimate replacement” is not to try to replace HIM with a better guy, but rather to replace herself with a process of renewal/regeneration/self improvement, not because she is not good enough or damaged but because we all should work to better ourselves every day, and if she does that she proclaims that he was not the be all end all and that she can continue on a better person. Plus, chances are, if he sees this he will inevitably regret losing something he didn’t realize was so damn good ;-)”

    Love it!

    Like

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