And in the Aftermath…

The aftermath of any relationship, whether long term or short term, is pretty much the same for everybody.  And when I say everybody, I mean the boys.

Despite being perfectly capable of experiencing emotion like normal human beings, boys do not.  I haven’t quite decided if this is their fault or not yet.

Suffice it to say that with the exception of random drunken nights in which they forget themselves and complain loudly about being lonely, boys experience little to no remorse when it comes to the aftermath of any type of relationship.  They tell us that they don’t need us, that we don’t need them, that we’re both better of without each other, and instead of giving ourselves the opportunity to prove them right, we, as females, attempt to do the exact opposite.

As a result, here is the progression a typical college relationship takes, in varying amounts of time based on the naivete of the girl and the cowardice of the boy:

“We’re just friends, and I wouldn’t want to jeopardize that by doing anything more, so let’s strictly ‘friendzone’ each other.”

which quickly upgrades to:

“Since we’re already such good friends and we spend all of our time together, adding sex will just make it better, right?”

which quickly downgrades to:

“We should just be friends, because if we keep this up we’re going to end up hating each other.”

which quickly shifts to:

“Oh, shit, we just had sex.  Now our friendship is awkward. Let’s never do that again.”

which quickly downgrades to:

“Let’s just have sex and ignore the consequences to our friendship.  We’re both adults, right?”

which abruptly downgrades to

“Wow, this is so awkward… Like I really want you to leave but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a dick.” (#Bridesmaids reference FYI)

In the end you are minus one friend, and plus a lot of awkward memories when you walk around campus.

I attribute this sequence of events to how boys have changed over the last few decades.  When our parents were coming of age, it was better for guys to be macho on the outside and kind and sensitive on the inside. What I want to know is when it became cool for that to switch

Speaking for all women of the 21st century… please bring back our 1950s Mad Men, etc. That is all.

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